Enter the PGCE course full of life, hope and optimism. Then BANG I am faced with stark reality, of a school of illiterates... ok that is overly harsh, but where is the love of the written word? Where is the exploration of language and the want, the thirst, the desire to learn? I simply do not understand. That's it. I. Don't. Get. It. I've been struggling now for 5 hours to get my head around this turn of events and I cannot believe the loss of literacy for the vast majority. The "library" holds magazines and computers, and little else. The lack of books bothers me. I love books. Novels and poetry are part of my escape, but I must wonder what do these kids actually do at home?
And on to the inner workings of my soul... I am once again single, and not entirely happy about it. I do not wish to spend my time wishing I was with someone. I do not like to be reliant on someone but, however much I intend to convince myself that I do not need someone else I find myself wanting a warm someone to curl up with. I find one boy on my course fascinating and not in any "normal" way (for me at least). He is fairly cute but not entirely my type however his drawling sarcasm I find completely and inexplicably appealing. Oh to live the easy life and want someone who was vaguely interested in me...
I haven't shot anything for so long I am beginning to doubt my ability to pick up a camera and focus it. I haven't written any poetry or painted anything. I haven't played the piano or finished a novel. I did not finish learning how to speak Russian or build web-pages. I am finding all the pressure I put on myself a little bit too extreme sometimes, although I have recognised that I will not be the worlds' best teacher straight away. I have also began to understand that I cannot be all things to all people, even all things to myself and that maybe sometimes I need to just relax a bit.
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