Just because you feel good

Skunk Anasie, Leeds, 21st November 2009

Absolutely amazing gig, front row, great atmosphere without being overly mosh-heavy. Skin was mental, really brilliant show woman and pitch perfect despite jumping into the crowd and climbing scafolding. Probably got them charged a fortune from the venue for that stunt, but hey, "I just wanted to see how you guys up there were doing" pretty well now you have bothered to come to the balcony to sing I would imagine!

The support act, The Chemists, were really brilliant. They were full of energy and have some pretty good songs, even inspiring me to buy an album/t-shirt combo which worked out nicely. They also have a particularly fit guitarist, who in a slightly stalker-like crazy moment I facebooked, just to say I enjoyed the gig etc. and he messaged back, so he is a pretty nice guy as well! Ok that sounds more stalker-ish than it actually was. I just happened to be looking for a fan page, when I noticed he had commented on it, and I well couldn't resist. He was lovely tho, messaging me back almost straight away, so I guess the fans do still matter to some bands!

Peace and Love

pop
xxx

What’s the world coming to?

Enter the PGCE course full of life, hope and optimism. Then BANG I am faced with stark reality, of a school of illiterates... ok that is overly harsh, but where is the love of the written word? Where is the exploration of language and the want, the thirst, the desire to learn? I simply do not understand. That's it. I. Don't. Get. It. I've been struggling now for 5 hours to get my head around this turn of events and I cannot believe the loss of literacy for the vast majority. The "library" holds magazines and computers, and little else. The lack of books bothers me. I love books. Novels and poetry are part of my escape, but I must wonder what do these kids actually do at home?

And on to the inner workings of my soul... I am once again single, and not entirely happy about it. I do not wish to spend my time wishing I was with someone. I do not like to be reliant on someone but, however much I intend to convince myself that I do not need someone else I find myself wanting a warm someone to curl up with. I find one boy on my course fascinating and not in any "normal" way (for me at least). He is fairly cute but not entirely my type however his drawling sarcasm I find completely and inexplicably appealing. Oh to live the easy life and want someone who was vaguely interested in me...

I haven't shot anything for so long I am beginning to doubt my ability to pick up a camera and focus it. I haven't written any poetry or painted anything. I haven't played the piano or finished a novel. I did not finish learning how to speak Russian or build web-pages. I am finding all the pressure I put on myself a little bit too extreme sometimes, although I have recognised that I will not be the worlds' best teacher straight away. I have also began to understand that I cannot be all things to all people, even all things to myself and that maybe sometimes I need to just relax a bit.

Ice and Steal...

A photo from the Louvre gallery in Paris, France. This is a shot up through the glass pyramid.

I really like geometric lines at the moment, normally I prefer soft curves.

Only edit was to the saturation and curves. :)

Starts and Ends

Getting started…

(This is a first for me, I usually keep my ramblings private but due to various technical difficulties, I have decided to publish them so I should find it much harder lose them.)

I have my first PGCE interview on Monday. I am terrified. I really want this to go well, although I’m worried it’s getting a bit late… I don’t like the thought of leaving university. I don’t want to grow up! I want to teach however, so that means another year of lectures/placements and that should ease me into the “real world”.

I also don’t want to leave Heaton; I don’t want to move home and be monitored and frankly live in the middle of nowhere. I like my freedom and this would feel like a huge leap backwards for me. I’ve been home about 5 hours and I’m already missing my flat. It’s a gorgeous sunny day so I could go for a walk to Jesmond dene or to Heaton Park if I was there. I could even revise in the sun if it wasn’t windy. Esh Winning is lacking in sunny places to sit outside and read- well if you don’t want chavas accosting you…

I am sick of university too however, I know it sounds stupid, saying I don’t want to leave then saying I’m sick of it a few paragraphs later, but I am. I’m too comfortable there but I don’t have time to myself really. I have reading for my course, but I can count the novels I’ve read of my own volition in the past year on fingers and toes. I don’t have time to go and take pictures, let alone edit them sufficiently for it to be called work. I should have progressed nicely in my photography by now but I’m still stuck at 2 years ago. It’s majorly frustrating. I tried drawing the other night and I was so annoyed I couldn’t translate what I wanted to do. I guess fine motor skills really do need to be constantly used!

It seams lately that everyone I know is off travelling. Adventure, that’s what I want! I want to see the world, all of it; every last little country, every mountain, river, market and person. I know that is physically impossible, but I still want to see as much as I can. I aim to do 6 of the 7 continents before I’m 25; Asia, South America, North America, Europe, Australasia and Africa. I have seen some of Europe, not a lot however, by any margin. I plan to correct this in the Easter of my PGCE year. I want to inter-rail around for a few weeks, basically go to Germany, Holland, Italy, Greece, and maybe Sweden, Finland and Norway. Then once I’m finished studying, I want to go off for maybe a year, South America, North America, Australasia and Asia. Evidently I don’t do things by halves. If I have enough money when I’m in Argentina, I may even do the ferry/ship into the Arctic Circle…

It would be amazing to have some real stories to tell. Well ones that don’t involve my inability to pick a boy who is available, emotionally mature and not a complete and utter feckless bastard. That sums up my relationship history pretty accurately, and that is why I am embracing being single for once! I was walking to uni a few days ago, grinning like a maniac because it was sunny, I was in a great mood and someone was playing adored by the stone roses somewhere, incidentally my favourite summer song, and I realised I never am this happy unless I’ve just started seeing someone. I think that’s the most shocking thing I have realised for a long time; that I rely on others to make me happy. Not anymore, NO. I will make myself happy for once. I can smell summer is here and I am excited to see my friends, not worry about reading for next year, make my way through the BBC’s 100 greatest books list, travel, plan and hopefully go to a festival.

I am expecting great things this summer…